Funerals

A bad word and a great concept

I know you don’t like funerals. Maybe you have only been to bad ones, or ones that didn’t feel useful. Maybe you resent the fact that a ceremony like this has a cost associated. Maybe you feel like it is way more of a hassle than it’s worth, or that it is not important anyway. Maybe all of it…maybe something else.

To this I say - What if?

Humor me, just for a minute.

What if they could be great? What if everyone left feeling uplifted, transformed even? What if the value of the event had nothing to do with the cost, and therefore you spent only the amount that was comfortable, including $0? What if the hassle was worth the importance?

I believe in funerals so much, I had one for my career, and I am going to tell you why it was one of the most memorable experiences of my life.

When they asked me if I wanted a goodbye party I said,

No, I want a funeral!

Nineteen years in one place is a long time, and deserved to be honored. I am an expert at endings and crafting funerals and I work with other experts, so this was our chance to make something great. To celebrate the life of my job, vs the life of a person.

I was excited! I was going to sit down with a Funeral Arranger, make plans, craft the afternoon and lay out an actual funeral with all of the elements. This was the framework: chapel service, flowers and personalized elements, prayer cards, an officiant, eulogy, song and reception to follow. Once we had these elements in place, we filled in the particulars.

My co-worker would MC. I would say my own Eulogy. For the prayer cards, I would adapt a well-known funeral poem. Another co-worker would sing “The Way We Were” (sob-face) and there would be an open time for people to share thoughts on their experience with me over the years. Afterward, we would gather together to share sandwiches (dang I love sandwiches) and stories.

At times I just wanted it to be over. I worried people would come, then worried we may not have enough seats. I was ready to get on with my life, but also sad to see the way that the people were already moving on. I was amped up on the excitement of it all but a wreak of fear and wtf had I done, along with the inner-knowing that my time there was up.

It was messy and gut-wrenching and amazing and omg what a day.

I will be self-serving for a minute. People said wonderful things about me. I knew I had been decent enough to work with, but I really did not understand the full impact of how my presence made a difference. As I sit in reflection now, even as I can’t remember the exact words that people shared, I remember how they made me feel.

I was given the gift of knowing that people enjoyed having me around.

That they saw I was their advocate, and that I cared about them.

That showing up every day meant I was showing up for them, too.

And that my time will be remembered.

And honestly, what more can you ask for?

Ya’ll - people cried! And not just me. And people laughed and were mad and were joyful and were happy to be there. This is the human soup that makes life worth living.

And people understood,

Why a funeral.

Funerals are how we express our feelings when chapters close. We are with our people (which by the way, there is an epidemic of loneliness and so anytime we are with our people, we are fighting this) in a space reserved for messy grief and the wonder of life.

I wish I could bottle the feeling of a good funeral, because then you would know. Everything that comes with being human lives in that space and, my gosh, when we lean into it? It is the most life-affirming thing!

So have a low-cost, simple funeral…and have a living one (one you are present for) while you’re at it so you get to participate and hear what people say! But don’t let the word drown out the usefulness of such occasions.

We have them because we need them, and you can have the one that is right for you and yours.

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By the way, I guess this means I am back. I will have a lot to share about why I left my career of 19 years, but a part of that reason is you. I could not do that work and be here or build Mourning Space, while also giving my all to the people who deserve a purpose-driven leader.

My purpose is elsewhere, but I am grateful for every opportunity and every person that made me who I am today. I am because I was, and I look forward to seeing who I get to become.

Would you help?

Visit and Share Mourning Space. Refer my services to a friend in need. Engage with me on Social Media. You may even want to make a donation to support my work.

However you decide support me on my journey into the unknown, I am so very grateful. Even if it just means maintaining this membership or sending my Substack to a friend.

I appreciate you and will see you back here soon!

PS - no AI was used in the making of this Substack. While I use and appreciate AI, I will not be using it here. There should be spaces free of wondering what is me and what isn’t, which is why I didn’t include the adapted funeral poem, for which I did ask for AI’s suggestions. This is me, dashes and all.